War of the Commentators
by The Hermione Granger Fan Club
Summary: The tale of how an eleven-year-old Lee Jordan became the Quidditch commentator adored by many. Contains much Weasley twins, and HEAPS of Lee. For people who liked my other fic, 'First Day'. *COMPLETED*
1. Why Slytherins Make Lousy Commentators

"That SUCKED!" howled first-year Lee Jordan as he left the Quidditch arena that breezy Saturday. He had just seen his first school Quidditch game. Lee was a huge Quidditch fan.   
  
"But Lee, we won!" said a girl named Alicia Spinnet confusedly. Alicia was a second-year who always seemed to be there, offering advice and support to the Gryffindor first-years, the girls in particular. She played a reserve Chaser on the house team.   
  
"Not the Quidditch!" moaned Lee, hiding his face in his hands. "The COMMENTARY! What was that Slytherin chick DOING out there? Everyone was practically asleep!"   
  
George Weasley caught up with his friend and exchanged a slightly alarmed look with Alicia. They'd never seen Lee this worked up about something.   
  
"It's OK, Lee, honestly," said Alicia bracingly. "Everyone's used to Marionne Bulstrode's commentary, and she's only here another year."   
  
"Torturous and irrelevant!" protested Lee. He was on eye level with Alicia despite only recently having turned eleven. "Bloody hell, could you listen to her? There was no passion in her voice, and the point is that everyone was practically asleep!"   
  
He stormed away, muttering death threats and murderous outbursts about thickheaded Sltherin girls who couldn't commentate to save their lives.   
  
"What the hell?" muttered Fred, George's identical twin, as he appeared at his brother's side. "What's got Lee so, um, how shall I put this delicately-"   
  
"Utterly pissed?" volunteered Angelina Johnson, another member of their little 'gang', who had been walking with Fred and George.   
  
"That'd be it," said Fred.   
  
"Ya think?" asked George.   
  
"On occasion, yeah."   
  
They laughed, and headed up to Gryffindor, the Quidditch still fresh in their minds.   
  
* * *  
  
Lee sulked at the house party. While George made the older grades laugh and Fred sang his version of an old Carrie Onward (old wizarding singer who was raved about by Hogwarts graduates of the fifties and sixties) hit with Slytherin-bashing lyrics, Lee brooded.   
  
Now, you must understand that when Lee Jordan sulked, he SULKED. The sheer injustice of it all fumed and buzzed inside his head, and he couldn't seem to get rid of it. It stabbed away at him, clouding everything, and all Lee could do was mope. Sulk. Brood. Think. Ponder. Scowl. Pace up and down.   
  
"Come on, Lee, have fun! Fancy some Droobles Best Blowing Gum?" wheedled Katie Bell, waving the bright packet tantalisingly under his nose. He waved her away, his eyes narrowed in concentration.   
  
"Hey, Lee, man. I dare ya to lob this Dungbomb into that crowd of fifth-year girls over there!" sang out Fred. Lee could never resist a dare.   
  
"Nick off for a bit, Fred. I'm thinking!" hissed Lee.   
  
Apparantly, tonight, Lee could.   
  
Fred did an exaggerated double-take and bounced off, grabbing George by the arm. George was imitating a slightly sloshed Percy dancing when he'd been dared by a cousin to sup of the parents' mead one mad Christmas. Percy was glaring.   
  
"I give up. If irritating girls can't snap him out of it, nothing will," grumbled Fred.   
  
"Oh, don't chuck a moody on us now!" whined George.   
  
"Dare you to run up and punch Lee in the back of the neck! There, is that moody?"   
  
"When Lee's in this kind of a state, I wouldn't recommend that," observed Angelina.   
  
"Levelheaded," sniggered George, elbowing Fred, who feigned shock.   
  
"Ye gods! Braggart, how dare you call Angelina levelheaded? Draw on the count of three!"   
  
"I hear ya! One, two, three- EXPELLIARMUS!" yelled Fred and George. Rather than disarming each other, however, they both pointed their wands over their shoulders and sent a bowl of crisps and a rather short classmate flying. They took deep bows.   
  
Angelina rolled her eyes. "My hero," she said in a high voice, pretending to swoon. Fred struck a 'manly' pose and George grinned.   
  
Alicia smiled at the proceedings and wandered over to stand beside Lee, who was leaning against the wall.   
  
"Hi."   
  
Lee grunted.   
  
"You're not STILL sore about the commentary, Lee? No-one can stick you when you're like this!" Alicia said incredulously.   
  
Lee finally looked her in the face, giving her his best puppy-dog look, the one that never worked on teachers but could always throw girls.   
  
Alicia sighed and said quietly, "You know, you're not the only one. Oliver can't stand the commentary either. Nor me, really. Marionne Bulstrode's good, she's just not... good. At all."   
  
"That makes no sense," Lee told her bluntly.   
  
"See? That's the Lee Jordan we all know and love!" said Alicia sarcastically. "The loudmouthed idiot who's always good for laugh!"   
  
"Hey, I resent that!"   
  
"You also resent the commentary, or so I understand. But face it, Lee. The teachers adore Marionne, so the only way she'll stop ruining the good name of commentary is if someone knocks her out and hides her in a cupboard."   
  
Lee looked thoughtful. "Really...?"   
  
Alicia looked startled. "Oh no. Lee, I know that look."   
  
"What look?"   
  
"The look you get when you've gotten a devious idea in your head! I didn't mean that literally!"   
  
"Of course you didn't," said Lee soothingly, but he couldn't hide the starstruck gleam entering his eyes, or the smirk curling around his lips.   
  
"Lee Jordan, swear to me that you aren't going to knock Marionne Bulstrode out and hide her in a cupboard."   
  
Lee blinked. "Who, me?"   
  
"Swear, Lee!"   
  
"Fine, fine. I swear that I won't knock Marionne Bulstrode out and lock her in a cupboard."   
  
"Show me your hands."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Swear again, and don't cross your fingers so you can lie."   
  
"Oh, come on, Alicia! Only babies do that!"   
  
"Show me your hands, and swear it again! Otherwise... otherwise..."   
  
"You really aren't good at threats, ya know that?"   
  
Alicia scowled at him.   
  
"Urg. Fine, fine." Lee held out his hands and rambled off, "I swear that I will not, under any circumstances, knock out Marionne Bulstrode of Slytherin and lock her in a cupboard, however fun that would undoubtedly be. Happy?"   
  
"I am now. Come on, Lee, cheer up. The party's still young, and the twins need backup for their pranks. You can sulk later."   
  
"I feel a song coming on!" yelled Lee, and swarmed off to do a mad disco dance to a slow Celestina Warbeck love ballad that was playing.  
  
Katie stepped next to Alicia, eyebrows raised at the sight of Lee being energetic and hyper once more. "What did you do, snog him?" she asked, giggling.   
  
"As if!" said Alicia scornfully. "Snogging a first-year... that's practically child abuse, Katie!"   
  
Alicia had gone pink at the thought of kissing a first-year. She pulled a grotesque face.   
  
The party went much smoother after that. Fred spiked Oliver Wood's pumpkin juice with a Levitating Draught, Angelina was dared to answer every question that was asked of her with, "Did you know you're really fit?" for the next three days, George hid Percy's glasses, and Lee accidentally Transfigured a table so that it walked. He looked shocked for a couple of seconds, then threw up his arms and screamed, "GIVE MY CREATION LIFE!" at the top of his lungs.   
  
Finally, when McGonagall burst into the common room and chided the Gruffindors, saying that they could be heard in the staff room. The sleepy-eyed students were sent up to bed, and Alicia snatched Lee's sleeve at the bottom of the stairs.   
  
"Remember," she said in a warning tone. "If I hear that you've been assaulting anyone, Lee, I'll-"   
  
"S'OK, 'Licia," said Lee, smiling in what he thought was an angelic manner. "I'm not gunna hurt anybody. I'm very good when I want to be."   
  
"You're very thick when you want to be. And DON'T call me Licia."   
  
"You're almost as uptight as Angelina about nicknames, you know that?" asked Lee. "No sweat, ALICIA. I'll be a good little boy, dammit!"   
  
"That's my Lee," said Alicia in a motherly manner. The twelve-year-old grinned at her friend and waved. "'Night, Lee!"   
  
Lee watched her run off after the second-year girls, then went up to the first-years' dormitories.   
  
Fred and George were fishing through their trunks for clean pyjamas when Lee strode into the room, looking somehow very pleased with himself. He looked around cautiously, saw that their roommates were in the bathroom brushing theuir teeth and beckoned them.   
  
"Boys, I have an idea."   
  
"We're listening," Fred said eagerly, dropping the pyjama trousers he was holding onto his bed, and dragging George over to Lee with him.   
  
"Not so loud!" hissed Lee. He glanced toward the bathroom. The door was wide open. "Into the corridor."   
  
"What?" said the twins in unison.   
  
"You heard me. Less people out there, less of a chance of being overheard."   
  
He stepped onto the landing. Fred raised his eyebrows at George, who shrugged and led them both out there.   
  
"What's the big secret, Lee?"   
  
"Yeah, spill it, man!"   
  
Lee turned around, He had a huge grin on his face, that he reduced to a small and cunning smile. "Men," he said to them. "Men, how would you like to be a part of the biggest prank of the century?"   
  
* * * * *   
  
Ooh, cliffhanger! Whee! Don't fret though, I'll get the next part up quick, if you people like this. I am sensitive about flames, but I s'pose if you really hated this fic you have a right to flame it.   
  
The whole 'levelheaded' thing that George and Fred have going on is a reference to my other fic, 'First Day'. I do believe there is a very 'First Day'-ish air to this fic, but if you've read both I'd love to hear your opinion.   
  
In later chapters, there might be VERY slight F/A references (after all, they're only eleven, peoples!), Weasley twin antics, Quidditch, Slytherin wrath and various appearances by Marionne Bulstrode, who, yes, is related to Millicent.   
  
And now, your opinion- should I change the name of this to 'Clash of the Commentators'? I can't decide between the two, and I have to give the people what they want!   
  
Everything you see here belongs to Joanne Rowling, not me, but the mediocre storyline is mine, and I'm sure she'd hate me if she did see it.   
  
Please review, it's nice to hear what people think. *LEE-ESQUE PUPPY-DOG FACE* Pleeeeeease? 


	2. The Mystery Commentator

It was a very tense few months for Lee and the twins. Waiting was not something that they did well. George was impatient, Fred was jumpy and Lee was quiet. Quiet for Lee meant only throwing Dungbombs into the girls toilets an average of once a week, and serving detention around every other Wednesday. Lee looked normal to everyone else, but the twins could see that he was quiet. After all, Lee had been dubbed 'the Weasley triplet' by Angelina Johnson's snobby older sister. "We feel your pain, triplet," said Fred in a calming tone.   
  
"Aw, sod off," said Lee, but he was grinning. All three of them thought the nickname hilarious.   
  
"So let's run through the complex and really hard spells that you're learning, VOLUNTARILY, for the sake of this prank. God, you're embarrassing us, Lee!" George chided, acting as though Lee was upstaging him and his twin.   
  
"What can I say? I'm a slave to the art," sniggered Lee. "Well, there's Confundus, Agarium, Deteriatus, Barritatum, those spells that make your voice go loud and quiet-"   
  
"Um, are those Sonorus and Quietus?" asked George.   
  
"Yeah, whatever."   
  
"You swot," teased Fred. "Bringing shame upon the family by paying attention in class! We're thinking of disowning you."   
  
The three boys were up in the dormitory. Lee had Killer the tarantula on his shoulder. Killer was slightly shaken from having been slipped into a girl's book bag that morning, but was slowly recovering from the ordeal. "Poor widdle spider," Lee told his pet. "You're a worthwhile accessory, ya know that?"   
  
"Definitely worth it. The way Clarissa Sutherton, She Who Is A Posh-Ass Twit, screamed! Truly inspired!" George patted Killer on the head with his fingers. "Well done, O Valiant Little Spider."   
  
"Little?" asked Lee. "I'll have you know that Killer is big for his age!"   
  
"Don't Clarissa know it, though?" asked George. "The way she screamed! She has a more masculine scream than Bill!"   
  
All three sniggered.   
  
"Quidditch tomorrow, men," said Fred.   
  
"Yeah," said Lee, his eyes sparking. "Thank God I didn't get detention for the Killer-and-Clarissa incident."   
  
"Think you'll need any additional help with distracting the prefects? We could always let someone else in on it- Angelina, maybe?" asked Fred.   
  
"Yo, brother. I'm not a two-year-old, I can pull a little hilarious and soon-to-be-legendary prank all by my little self. No letting in the girls, they'll blab it all over the school!" said Lee indignantly.   
  
"Just a suggestion," Fred pacified. "Hey, damn! Where's my quill?"   
  
"I saw it down in the common room," said George offhandedly. "Didn't pick it up 'cause I figured Lee would."   
  
Fred glared.   
  
"You, George Weasley, are useless. See you in a bit, I've got to go and salvage it before the house-elves pick it up and mark it as lost."   
  
He left. Lee sneered. "Knew he'd try and rope his girl into this somehow."   
  
"They make such a lovely couple," said George in a high voice.   
  
"Angelina Johnson is NOT my girl!" yelled Fred from the corridor.   
  
"Sure she isn't!" answered Lee. He and George laughed, working off nerves the only way they knew how.   
  
* * *   
  
Lee lurked. He'd always found the dungeons a bit creepy- cold, too. He shivered even though he was wearing a cloak, the hood pulled up over his face. Where is that Bulstrode thickhead? he wondered.   
  
There she was, wandering along, alone, grunting words under her breath. She was tall and skeletally skinny, with lank hair and a face that somewhat resembled a Harpy's. It was ruddy cold, down in the dungeons, and vapour issued from her mouth as she stamped her feet to keep warm.   
  
She stopped.   
  
Lee held his breath.   
  
"'Lo?" she called. "Is someone there?"  
  
Lee fumbled for his wand and held it tightly.   
  
"Come out!" she ordered.   
  
Lee stepped out of the shadows. "Confundo Marionne Bulstrode!" he yelled.   
  
Marionne stopped dead and blinked rapidly, seemingly reverting into babyhood.  
  
"Marionne Bulstrode, what are you doing out here?" he asked severely. "It's two in the morning. You should be in bed!"   
  
"I should?" she said dreamily.   
  
"Yeah, definitely."   
  
"O- OK."   
  
"Good girl."   
  
He watched the seventh-year totter back to the Slytherin common and smirked. "Ooh, yes, two in the morning." He sniggered. "'Mazing, really, how easy it is to Confund these Slytherins." He then ambled away, outside, to where the sun blazed and countless black-robed students were making their way to the Quidditch pitch.   
  
Hood still hiding his face, Lee slunk into the stadium. Now, where was the commentator's box? "Damn, damn, damn," he muttered, racing along deserted corridors. He could hear students jostling for seats, calling out to their friends that they were saving them seats. Swishes of cloaks, thump of foot on wooden stands that had been there since hell, DECADES before the days when Lee's grandfather had been a Chaser for the Gryffindor team. Lee's granddad was the only person in the family who had an actual ounce of Quidditch-playing talent in him.   
  
The Weasley twins hung about impatiently. "No prefects about," said Fred excitedly. He glared at George. "Quit looking so shifty!"   
  
"I'm not looking shifty, you are!"   
  
"You are!"   
  
"You- hey, Lee man. All set?"   
  
Lee had arrived, breathing heavily. "Yep. You two ickle boys run along now, Lee'll be all right. Mind you don't run into any prefects."  
  
"Cheek!" chided George. "We're rooting for you, Lee-boy." They nicked off sharpish and Lee stepped into the commentator's box.   
  
The commentator's box was a small room, high above everything. It had a spectaular view. He could see a huge crowd of kids in blue and bronze supporter colours, and around the same amount wearing yellow and black.   
  
The walls and ceiling were completely plastered with Quidditch posters and photos of the house Quidditch teams. You couldn't even see what colour they were. Countless boys and girls waved frantically from the pictures. They laughed in the shadows, they sulked in the corners, they gazed furtively down from the ceiling at the top of Lee's head. Most of the boys and girls in the pictures were dead, Lee realised.   
  
He sat down at the small and rickety table, on a chair. There was the magical microphone, and diagrams of moves, descriptions of fouls and bits of homework that past commentators had been doing in the slow parts of games- Lord, that Transfiguration essay was from the twenties! All on tattered bits of parchement that seemed to disintegrate at the slightest touch. Gingerly, Lee spread them apart, stacking them neatly so that he could read them.   
  
Everyone was in their seats, waiting for him to start. "This is it," whispered Lee. His first real Quidditch commentary.   
  
He brandished his wand at his throat and hissed, "Agarium." He waited as a peculiar sensation took ahold of his throat. He swallowed. "Whoa." A pause. "Cool, man."   
  
His voice had just aged ten years.   
  
Cool! thought Lee. So this is what I'll sound like when I'm twenty-one? His voice had a radio-announcer tone to it, and still sounded pleasantly like Lee.   
  
"Great," he said. Some of the Quidditch players in the pictures gave each other weird looks.   
  
Directing his wand at the door, he called out, "Barritatum!" The door was locked.   
  
A final spell. "Sonorus," Lee heard his twenty-one-year-old voixce say in a slightly dazed voice. And so Lee began...   
  
"Ladies, gentlemen, Quidditch fans and village idiots! Welcome to the second Quidditch game of the year, an epic match between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Who will win?"   
  
A funny uplifting sensation occurred somewhere in Lee Jordan when he realised that everyone was whispering and giggling, twisting about in their seats to try and get a look at him. He made sure his hood completely covered his face before continuing.   
  
"I am the Mystery Commentator. I am not seen. I am heard, and I LIVE to entertain you, 'cause that's what I'm great at! I'm a good little boy when I want to be, but right now I feel like having you cheer! Can you cheer?" There were some shouts, but generally everyone was totally shocked. "Um, great. Now, let's go to the Quidditch!"   
  
The Quaffle had gone into play, the Bludgers burst forth and made a savage attack at the apposing Seekers' heads and the Snitch was up.   
  
"There it goes!" yelled Lee. He'd never felt so excellent. He was commentating! "And it's Sera Flynch with the Quaffle, this girl knows her stuff- Christ, look at her go! Flynch of Hufflepuff with the Quaffle, streaking up the pitch. Lovely little dive 'round a Beater, who takes out a Chaser, not Flynch, thank God for Hufflepuff. Their Chaser Andy Dowley puts away a penalty goal, no troubles, and we continue play."   
  
"What in the hell happened to Bulstrode?" thundered Professor Snape as he and McGonagall strode up then stairs to apprehend the little hooligan responsible for this abomination.   
  
"Language, Severus!" scolded McGonagall. They reached the door, and could hear the Mystery Commentator inside, rambling away.   
  
"... woo, yeah! Did you lot see that? The Ravenclaw boy can pull a save! Whoa, and that was some save too! I..." Lee faltered. The lock was being rattled. Small purply-coloured sparks flickered momentarily around the lock as she Locking Charm fought to keep hold,   
  
Hold, damn you! This is bad, thought Lee, edging ever so slightly away from the door. Shaken, he continued.   
  
"I see that the valiant Ravenclaws have scored a goal or two, but the Hufflepuffs have been practicing, yeah! See that form!"   
  
"Wow," said Davina Johnson, Angelina's sister, from her spot in the stands. "He's REALLY cool."   
  
"He's got a vocabulary like a first-year," said her friend, a duelling champion.   
  
Davina shot her a winning smile. "That's all right. I'm not interested in his vocabulary!"   
  
A couple of seats in front, Angelina pretended to puke.   
  
"It's the Ravenclaws, pulling ahead with some fancy moves by Davies, Underwood and Creedon! Yo, Ravenclaws- can your Chasers fly or what? And it's Underwood, Ellie Underwood, seventh-year and Captain, streaking up the pitch with the Quaffle under her arm- come on, Ravenclaws, I've seen budgerigars that can cheer louder than you! Hufflepuff intercepts the Quaffle, go it, Hufflepuff! No fouls as of yet and- and-"   
  
The lock was giving a dangerous rattle. Snape was cursing and roaring, and as Lee continued, he extracted something from his pocket. It was an invention of the Weasley twins called a Smog Bomb. A crude but effective version of a Dungbomb, it spewed clouds of dark smoke every which-way when it was thrown. He'd have to use it for his escape.   
  
"Sorry, friends, mere technical difficulties." Lee allowed himself a grin.   
  
Hufflepuff were winning by three goals, but the Seekers hadn't had much to do yet. Suddenly, before anyone else, Lee saw the Ravenclaw Seeker diving. "RAVENCLAW'S GOING INTO A DIVE! C'MON, HUFFLEPUFF- YOU CAN WIN THIS THING!" roared Lee.   
  
Down... down...   
  
"The Seekers are neck and neck! The Snitch won't wait long, c'mon, go it!" yelled Lee.   
  
Ravenclaw surged forward, stretched out his arm and- was knocked aside by Hufflepuff! "HUFFLEPUFF WINS, ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY POINTS! Knew you could do it!!!"   
  
The Hufflepuffs were beside themselves, hugging and cheering. Lee decided that now would be an excellent time to make a hasty escape. "Thanks to ev'ryone for coming. I'm the Mystery Commentator, and I'll try to make it to the next game! Bye!"   
  
Lee hopped off the stool and turned to face the door. People were jostling to leave their seats, they wanted to see him, to find him out. "Quietus," he hissed, his voice returning to normal volume.   
  
"ALOHOMORA!" he yelled, and the door burst open. The Smog Bomb had already left his hand, and by the time the door was fully open black, choking smoke filled the air. Ducking and diving, twisting and sprinting, he swarmed out into the corridor. He felt a Prefect snatch at his arm and wrenched it frantically away, his feet clattering on the floorboards in their trainers.   
  
He shoved through throngs of people on the stairs. They didn't see him, didn't expect him, didn't want to expect him. Who'd expect a first-year to be the Mystery Commentator?   
  
Lee didn't stop running until he was out of the stadium. He'd never run so fast in all his life, and it felt ruddy grand! Suddenly, two figures stepped out in front of him, and he skidded to a halt. "Oh- God-" he panted. "Felt- amazing- Snape... swore... so MUCH! Hopping mad, he was!"   
  
Fred and George exchanged a look and cracked up as Lee pulled off his cloak and handed it to George for him to stow in his backpack. "What?" asked Lee as a crowd of people came out of the stadium.   
  
"Your voice, man! Use Deteriatus, quick, before someone hears you!"   
  
Lee swore. "Deteriatus," he said hoarsely. He grinned. "Never felt so great, guys. Honestly, I-"   
  
"I heard everything."   
  
Horrified, the three Gryffindors whipped around. There, with her arms folded across her front and a funny expression on her face, was Alicia Spinnet.   
  
"Alicia, we can explain-"   
  
"Heard everything, I did."   
  
Alicia was shaking her head. "You boys are in trouble now, d'you realise that?"   
  
"Oh, go on Alicia, be a sport, don't rat us out!" said Fred, a note of panic in his voice.   
  
Lee was confused. Why did Alicia want to turn them in? "Licia, I thought we could trust each other." It wasn't a question. God, why, of all the moments in the world, did Alicia have to turn traitor at this one?   
  
"Don't call me Licia. And I just wanna say something-"   
  
The boys exchanged sullen looks. Here it came. The second that Alicia Spinnet would finally betray them and start acting like a prissy girl, skipping off to the teachers telling tales. Start to act like a GIRL, and what's worse, a SECOND-YEAR GIRL, and they were nothing but trouble. They waited for the blow to fall.   
  
"I want in."   
  
  
  
  
  
* * * * *   
  
  
  
  
I tried to keep my word, and have the second chapter up quick. See, you've just read it!   
  
A note- in my fic 'An Interview With Lee Jordan', I had Lee say that he looks like a younger Craig David. I've changed my perspective of him. Has any of you seen a show called 'The Renford Rejects'? Well, there's a boy on that show who plays this commentator called Vinnie Rodrigues. The actor, Roger Davies (no, I'm not kidding, that's his name) is EXACTLY my mental image of Lee.   
  
I'm sorry, everyone. Blame my pathetic mathematics skills that Alicia ended up a year older than Lee, Angelina, George, Katie and Fred. But I sort of like the idea of her being older- at least, it adds to the plot of this story, that she's older and everything.  
  
Thanks SO much to my good reviewers. I'm really questioning the quality of this fic, and at least I know that some people like it.   
  
Like I said, Rowling's and not mine.   
  
Thanks, and I'll have the next chapter up very quick! 


	3. Trust

For the next few weeks, all Hogwarts talked about was the Mystery Commentator. Who was he? A student? Some intruder? There had never been such a scandal.   
  
Lee was on Cloud Nine. He strolled down the stairs into the Entance Hall one morning and saw Davina Johnson, her friend Lisa and their crew sitting on the bottom step.   
  
Lisa, who was a renowned duelling expert and champion, was chatting spiritedly away to Davina. Davina was never seen to eat before twelve in the afternoon, and she frowned on Angelina for scoffing breakfast with her friends because it supposedly wasn't ladylike. "... so, the bastard tried to Disarm me, but I showed him with a quick Furnunculus to the right-"   
  
"Oh, Lis, don't let's talk about something as silly and trivial as duelling! How about the Mystery Commentator?"   
  
Lisa looked visibly put out, but replied, "He's got quite a cute voice, I s'pose. Probably a seventh-year."   
  
"A Ravenclaw, I reckon," said a pigtailed girl happily. "He sounded intelligent."   
  
"Sexy, too!"   
  
Lee was torn between cracking up laughing with a scream of, "IT'S ME, YOU DUNGBRAINS! I'M THE MYSTERY COMMENTATOR!" and dawdling, both sounded rather appealing.  
  
"Ravenclaws aren't sexy OR intelligent," said Davina firmly. Everyone knew Davina was only of that opinion was because the boy she'd had a mad crush on in fifth year had gone out with a Ravenclaw who Davina already disliked. Davina and the Ravenclaw, one Veronica Almontine, still hated each other's guts.   
  
"A Hufflepuff? He seemed to like them."   
  
"'Specially- oh NO. 'Vina, d'you think it could be Cameron Cole, you know, Sera Flynch's boyfriend?"   
  
Davina paled. "Of course not," she said briskly. "Everyone knows Cameron's got that uncool stutter. Couldn't possibly be him."  
  
"Dunno what Sera sees in him."   
  
Lee grinned and bowed deeply at the girls as he passed. "Peace, girls!"   
  
"Who's that?"   
  
"Oh," said Davina ungraciously. "That's only my little sister's dorky friend Jordan Leigh, or something like that."   
  
"Jordan, Lee Jordan!" said Lee, scurrying off after Alicia, who was walking alone.   
  
"What a freak."   
  
"I bet the Mystery Commentator could teach him a thing or two!"   
  
One of the girls was writing MC 4 ME on her bag.   
  
"Yo, Alicia, wait for me?" Lee jogged until he was walking with Alicia.  
  
Alicia nodded. "My friends and I are practicing Quidditch on the pitch today." She smirked. "You should feel lucky, Lee. A couple of my friends are utterly infatuated with the Mystery Commentataor."   
  
Lee pulled a face.   
  
Angelina suddenly appeared. She was running away from Fred, and laughing. "Don't you dare, Fred Weasley!" she yelled at Fred, who was walking with Katie and George. He gave her a "Who, me?" look.   
  
"What happened?"   
  
She scowled, then giggled. "Fred keeps trying to stuff his Sugar Quill down the back of my robes. He's got twelve strawberry ones from Charlie, who got them from his grilfriend, and both of them hate strawberry. So Fred reckons he's going to find twelve girls and assault them with them."   
  
Lee grinned and as the girls sighed "Men." together, he turned around and gave Fred a huge thumbs up.   
  
"Listen, are you still all right with me and Katie playing Quidditch with you tonight? I really want to learn that move you did at the last game."   
  
"The Hawkshead Attacking Formation? Sure. The others never let me teach them anything. They reckon I'm uppity."   
  
"You ARE uppity," Lee told her exasperatedly.   
  
"Watch it, you, or I won't help you with..." Alicia started to have a go at him, but then she remembered Angelina was there.   
  
"Something wrong, Alic-" Angelina started to ask, but then Fred grabbed her by the shoulders and stuffed the strawberry Quill down the back of her robes.   
  
"Yessss! Fred Weasley is champion!"   
  
Angelina shrieked and whipped around. "Fre-ED! I'll get you for that!" She dived at him, but he ran off with Angelina trying to whack him with her book bag and extract the nearly disintegrated Sugar Quill from her robes at the same time.   
  
Lee and Alicia stood there a moment.   
  
"Whee!" called Fred from someplace. "Victim Number Six is Angelina Johnson! Someone write that down!"   
  
Alicia breathed out. "That was close. Being let in on a Weasley Triplet Prank is hard work."   
  
"Less of the Triplet shtick, Alicia. You happen to be the only girl in Hogwarts who knows the true identity of the Mystery Commentator."   
  
Thank God for that, thought Alicia to herself. Otherwise I'd've probably joined the crowd and developed a massive crush on him.   
  
"Lee?" she said to him as they walked into the Great Hall. "Can I ask you something?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Would- Would you have let me in on the trick even if I hadn't seen you?"   
  
Lee fiddled with his robes a bit. "Well, it was kind of a pact... no girls... you'd blab it all over the school, and everyone knows, you know, well- Fred wanted to let his girl in on it, but I said no, so..."   
  
"Pardon? Fred's GIRL? Who's that?"   
  
"Angelina, of course!"   
  
Alicia started to laugh. "Angelina? You're not talking about the girl who the house-elves will probably grumble about for getting pink sugar all down her back?"   
  
"Yeah." Lee sniggered.   
  
"Honestly, Lee, I don't think- OW! FRED WEASLEY!"   
  
"Victim Number Seven is Alicia Spinnet!"   
  
Alicia scowled after Fred. "Have to go and kill myself a Weasley, Lee. But don't worry- I won't tell a soul. You can trust me."   
  
She raced off after Fred, pulling a slightly melted Chocolate Frog from her pocket as she ran...  
  
Lee thought for a second, and smiled. "Yeah. S'gunna be all right. I can trust her." He ambled over to where Katie and George were.   
  
"Has Fred got you with his Sugar Quills yet?" he asked Katie.   
  
"Nope. But just in case, I'm going to go around with my hood u- OW! GEORGE!"   
  
George grinned. He'd whipped out a strawberry Quill and shoved it down the back of her jumper. He and Lee exchanged a high-five.   
  
Angelina skidded to a halt beside them. "Hey, how'd you get pink sugar all over you?" she asked. "Fred's down the other end of the Hall going after the Ravenclaws. Davina'll be happy."   
  
"Victim number nine is Veronica Almontine!" they heard Fred yell.   
  
"VERY happy." Angelina corrected herself.   
  
Katie glowered at George, who grinned apologetically. "Apparently, Fred has accomplices." They turned to go and change up at Gryffindor.   
  
Fred caught up with them. Simoutaneously, Katie and Angelina pulled up the hoods of their robes.   
  
"Hi, girls! Where ya going?"   
  
"To try and get all this freakin' pink sugar off of us!" called Katie over her shoulder.   
  
"I know a handy spell- Kate? Angelina?" Fred tried to catch up with them, but Angelina shoved him away and quickened her pace.   
  
"Oh, c'mon! Everyone knows I only assualt the prettiest girls with Quills. You two are way above Dungbombs and Soap Humbugs!" Fred said.   
  
Angelina turned around with a funny look on her face as though she wanted to say something civil to Fred, but Katie grabbed her by the arm and dragged her up the stairs.   
  
Fred turned to Lee and George, who had smirks the size of Texas all over them. "What? That was the best thing I could think of!"   
  
"Ain't that sweet? Fred's paying his girl a compliment!" sniggered George.   
  
"Angelina Jane Johnson is not my-" Fred began, but suddenly, Alicia darted out and got him with her Frog. She rubbed the chocolate all through his hair and stuffed the gooey remains down the back of his jumper.   
  
"First male victim is Fred 'Sugar Quill' Weasley!" cried Alicia. She giggled at the outraged Fred and high-fived one of her second-year friends, who nodded in approval. They skipped off together laughing.  
  
"Aargggh!" yelled Fred, while Lee and George fell over with laughter. He gave them both an evil glare and said sternly, "I absolutely forbid you two to laugh. Go ahead, try it. Make my day."   
  
"HA!" said Lee. "Sucked in, Fred man. Guess you're not as popular with the older grades as you're deluding yourself, eh?"   
  
"Lee, I-" George began in agreement, but the three froze because of the people behind them...   
  
"I tell you, when I get my hands on that Mystery Commentator bastard, I'll curse him!" snarled a rather petite-looking Slytherin girl who was tottering alongside a burly boyfriend.   
  
"Who does he think he is? I bet he's against Slytherins too!" shrieked her wild-looking friend.   
  
"Next Quidditch game, we've got to keep a close watch on Marionne, to make sure she makes it to the commentator's box. She's a MUCH better commentator then he'll ever be." grunted the boy.   
  
George and Fred exchanged a glance and then looked at Lee. Lee seemed amused. "Slytherins. Like hell I'm against them. Who's the next match?"   
  
"Gryffindor versus Slytherin." replied George.   
  
"Excellent," Lee said, and to the relief of the twins he was grinning. "I think it's time we showed the Slytherins just how much of a bastard the Mystery Commentator can be!"  
  
  
  
  
* * * * *   
  
  
  
  
Now THAT was a really, really pointless chapter. I'm so sorry, everyone. Basically, I'll try and cover up my ginormous mistake by saying that this was basically my way of conveying the students' reactions- good and bad. I'll try and get the next chapter up more quickly, and I'll try and make it better.  
  
I'd like to say a big thank you to my reviewers. Thirteen reviews- WOW! I never expected that many! Emo Tuesday, pixie, sunnycouger, tesa, Gemin16, Roz58, Normandie M, Alix, kai, Triskelion, Devils Angel and Julianna Edwards, thank you!   
  
Another thing I'd like to say, and ask- it is SPOOKY how much the girl cast as Angelina in the movie looks like my mental image of Angelina. And a question, for whoever knows the answer... what's her last name? I know her name is Danielle and that her last name begins with T, but I haven't been able to find it out. Anyone who knows, can you let me know? Because both the girl playing Angelina and the actual Angelina ROCK! 


	4. Complications

"Lee, wait!" Lee turned and saw Alicia hurrying toward him as he stood outside the Gryffindor common room, ready to give the password. Under her arm she acrried a book bound in shiny leather.  
  
"Where've you been, Alicia?" asked Lee, irritated. "You were s'posed to meet me and Fred in the library- for Quidditch research." He raised his eyebrows, implying ulterior motives.   
  
She laughed mockingly. "I do have a life, you know. Me and the girls went out to play some Shuntbumps on the pitch before it got dark. But I did get you a book. Here."   
  
Lee held out his hand expectantly, feeling the watchful eyes of the suspicious Fat Lady upon his back. Alicia started to hand it to him, but she frowned and hugged it to her. "Hang on," she said. "I just realised something."   
  
"What?"   
  
"You never did tell me how you got rid of Bulstrode."   
  
"Well. I Confunded her into thinking it was two in the morning, then I sent her back to bed. It was genius on my part, I reckon." He gave her a grin which she did not return.   
  
"You broke your promise then." She looked both accusing and rather disappointed.   
  
"Eh?" asked Lee.   
  
"Lee, you promised you wouldn't mess with anyone- meaning Bitchy Bulstrode or whoever! I hate the Slytherins as much as the next Gryffindor, but-"   
  
"Come off it, Alicia! I promised not to knock her out and lock her in a cupboard, I didn't promise not to Confund her and send her back to bed!" Lee didn't realise he was yelling until he finished.   
  
"It's the same thing!"   
  
"NO, IT ISN'T!"   
  
Alicia was beside herself. "You're impossible!"   
  
"YOU'RE impossible!" Lee countered.   
  
She took a deep breath. 'I never know where I am with you devious little first-years."   
  
"Devious," mused Lee. 'Yeah, that's me." He looked quite happy about it.   
  
"Honestly, Lee!" she cried in irritation. She shoved the book into his hands and stalked past him. "I'm sorry I went out of my way to get you the book! Bird Claw," she said venomously, giving the password the Fat Lady and scrambling into Gryffindor.   
  
Lee cast an amused eye after her before opening the book, a black-bound text entitled, 'Great Magical Escapes of the Twentieth Century'. It looked new, and there was no Hogwarts Library stamp- maybe she'd borrowed it from one of her friends?   
  
A miniscule scrap of yellowy parchement had been slotted into the leather bindings. He extracted it and read it idly. It appeared to be a note.   
  
It WAS a note, and it read thusly: 'LJ- or should I say, MC?- just a quick note to say sorry for not turning up, and you'll do great tomorrow. I can't keep a lookout for the Prefects like the twins, because I'll be playing, obviously. I'll be rooting for you! Good luck, from AS.'   
  
Lee suddenly felt something between annoyed, flattered and guilty. Hang on- there was a PS...   
  
'PS: Keep the book. My mum demands that I read some intelligent-type books that don't have the words Quidditch, Chaser or Sport in the title, so she took out this Flourish and Blotts subscription for me. Most of the books really bite, but this one's all right. I figured you'd like it- might give some ideas.'  
  
Make that VERY guilty, thought Lee uncomfortably. "Damned girls..." he muttered uneasily, and climbed into the common room.   
  
The Weasley twins were nowhere to be seen, so Lee tucked the note into his pocket and, in uncharacteristic quiet, settled down in a chair to read.  
  
As with any wizard book, the pictures moved. Unlike many books, this one held Lee's interest for a long time. He flicked happily through it, revelling in the amazing and unthinkable ways that witches and wizards, some only a few years older than him, escaped from Dark Wizards. Some of them were hilarious! Some disturbing. Some so, well, DEVIOUS that Lee didn't think even the Weasley twins could come up with escape plans like that.   
  
Alicia was sitting with her friends by the fire, chatting animatedly, giggling loudly. Lee caught her eye as she was smirking at an insulting song about Snape she and the second-year girls were composing. They looked at each other for a moment.   
  
Lee held up the book a little so she could see it and mouthed, "Alicia? Thanks." She nodded and grudgingly smiled at him before volunteering a rhyme for the fifth verse.   
  
Well, thought Lee. At least she's forgiven me. Can't have accomplices in the War of the Commentators turning against each other, can we?  
  
* * *  
  
"Gerroff, Fred!"   
  
"Quit stepping on my foot, George!"   
  
"Get off first! Get- HURK! Ow, that was my stomach!"   
  
Lee, standing behind the column, his face once again hidden by the hood of his black Hogwarts robes, looked behind him at the twins. He stepped forcefully sideways, squashing them.   
  
"George, Fred, I have two words to say to you- SHUT. UP. They'll hear us!" he hissed frantically.   
  
"That was five words," said Fred mutinously.   
  
All three froze as a crowd of Slytherins materialised out of the smoky darkness of their common room.   
  
Lee stiffened his resolve. "Fan out," he mouthed to the twins. "In ten seconds we get 'em."   
  
The twins nodded and slinked off into the shadows while Lee tensed himself for the moment of truth.   
  
"... you say this was where he got you before, Marionne?" asked a girl with teeth like a squirrel and a voice like nails on a blackboard.   
  
"Yeah," sniffed Marionne. "Lumos!"   
  
To Lee's horror, she lit her wand. He backed up against the wall and held his own wand in a bone-crushingly strong grip.   
  
He gulped as the light was slowly directed toward George's hiding place. He'd be seen, he'd be-   
  
"STUPEFY!" bellowed Lee, leaping from his hiding place. There was a confused silence in which two Slytherins crumpled to the ground. Then two more voices tore the air.   
  
"Dammit, where's my wand- STUPEFY! STUPEFY!"   
  
"STUPEFY! Yeahhhh!"   
  
A boy began to say something, but dropped onto the floor. There was silence as the 'triplets' gazed down at the unconscious Slytherins.  
  
"Um, yeah."   
  
"Well. Er, Lee? I thought we were Confunding them," asked Fred, his eyebrows raised.   
  
"Yeah," said George, stepping from a place a good metre from where Lee thought he'd be.   
  
"Hang on," said Lee in confusion. "Weren't you over there?" He pointed.   
  
"Lee, man. You don't become the world's greatest prankster without learning some complex escape tricks," he explained patronisingly.   
  
"No way! I'M the greatest!"   
  
"Take that back!"   
  
"Never!"   
  
"Er, guys? How about discussing this at some other time?" asked Lee, gazing down at the Slytherins.   
  
"Come on," said Fred, beckoning the other two.   
  
* * *   
  
Lee swore under his breath as he saw the security on the commentator's booth. Fred had gone to save the twins and the girls some seats, while George had insisted on coming along.   
  
Two tall Hufflepuff prefects stood there like guards.   
  
"Crap," whispered George. "How're ya gunna get past them?"   
  
"Errrrrrr..." mumbled Lee.   
  
George looked at him witheringly. "Lee, you can be a mastermind prankster but you can also be a dungbrained sod, OK? Leave it to me."   
  
George smoothed down his hair so as to look more respectable, pulled down the hood of his robes and danced over to the prefects. He yelled in a high-pitched voice that made Lee nearly burst into laughter, "Oh, I'm so glad I've found someone! My brother has gotten into a fight with the Slytherins, and I need someone to help me break it up!"   
  
The taller Prefect raised her eyebrows. "Aren't you George Weasley? The George Weasley who booby-trapped the teacher's lounge?"   
"Oh, PLEASE!" begged George, falling onto his knees and clasping his hands. A snort escaped Lee.   
  
"ALL RIGHT!" hissed the shorter one, backing away. "C'mon, Lizzie. I can see I'm gunna need some help."   
  
"McGonagall said to stay here," she said pointedly.   
  
"It's only a few minutes 'til the game," he told her. "I'm sure that Mystery Commentator bloke would've showed up earlier. Besides, he cut Hufflepuff some slack in the last game-"   
  
"Oh, please come! The Slytherins are going to murder him!" wailed George. He tore off with the Hufflepuffs following. Lee slipped into the commentator's booth.   
  
The first thing he did was lock the door. A few spells later he was sitting by the window. Lee drew a deep breath.   
  
"Hello, Quidditch fans! I'm the Mystery Commentator- LET'S PLAY QUIDDITCH!" bellowed Lee. The stadium exploded with cheers, but the reactions were mixed.   
  
"I knew he wouldn't let us down!" trilled Davina Johnson rapturously.   
  
"How'd he get past the Prefects?" asked a Ravenclaw in confusion.   
  
"Damn, it's that Mystery Commentator again!" whined a Slytherin fourth-year.   
  
Lee felt once again like he could do anything. Anything at all! The others were on his side, and that was all that mattered!   
  
"On the Gryffindor side, we have the great Charlie Weasley as Seeker! There is no WAY the Slytherins will win, with him on their side! Also Oliver 'Obsessed' Wood, playing Keeper. The Chasers, Bundy, Dunstan and, in her second ever game, Alicia Spinnet! Lookin' good, Alicia!"  
  
Down on the pitch, Alicia blushed a little and ducked her head. "Shut up, Lee," she muttered happily.  
  
"The Beaters, seventh-years Angela Radnor and Micheal McClare are both rough and ready- if you're a Gryffindor lion, let me hear you cheer!" howled Lee. For the second time, the stadium exploded.   
  
"Going a bit overboard, isn't he?" asked Davina's friend Lisa, frowning.   
  
"He's right all the way, of course!" cried Davina, glaring. "We have the best team in the whole school!"   
  
"And," continued Lee, "on the Slytherin side, there's all your old enemies- er, favourites. Let's give them what they deserve, shall we?"   
  
Catching his drift immediately, all the Gryffindor supporters booed. The Slytherins booed them back. Lee interrupted.   
  
"LET'S- PLAY- QUIDDITCH-! The Bludgers are up... the Snitch is up (keep your eye on it, Charlie!)... and there's the Quaffle! We begin play!"   
  
The crowd was on it's feet, and they weren't ten seconds into the game.   
  
"And it's Kathleen Bundy with the Quaffle, heading for the Slytherin goalposts. She ducks around third-year Marcus Flint, possessor of the world's worst acne problem! Yeahhhh! Go it, Kathleen! DUCK, IT'S- oh, my God, did you fans see that Reverse Pass? The Reverse Pass, difficult to pull off but flawless in this case, sends the Quaffle over to- Spinnet, it's Alicia Spinnet with the Quaffle, dives into a Woollongong Shimmy. Wow, look at her go! GRYFFINDOR SCORES!"   
  
Angelina jumped to her feet and started cheering, "Go go Gryffindor! Go go Gryffindor!" Katie joined in. Soon, three quarters of the crowd were howling, "Go go Gryffindor! Go go Gryffindor!"   
  
Fifteen minutes later, Lee was cheering Charlie Weasley. "Come on, Charlie! You're so close! Woo, yeah! THE SEEKERS ARE NECK-AND-NECK! Punch him, Charlie! Take out the blighter!"   
  
The crowd was breathlessly roaring! From up in the commentator's box, Lee saw something weird... many of the seats had been vacated. However, so intent on making himself heard was Lee that he didn't really give it a second thought.   
  
"CHARLIE WEASLEY OF GRYFFINDOR CATCHES THE SNITCH! Gryffindor wins, one hundred and ninety points to thirty!"   
  
The stadium was beside itself. Girls from different houses who'd never spoken to each other in their lives were hugging, boys were clapping, cheering, pumping their fists in the air. A few were still cheering brokenly. "GO GO, GRYFFINDOR! GO GO GRYFFINDOR!"   
  
"I'm Le- the Mystery Commentator signing off!" said Lee hurriedly. "Nox. Deteriatus." He turned to leave the room.   
  
Something was wrong. It was quiet... too quiet. Lee shook off the weird feeling that something bad was going to happen. He gave the moving pictures a small wave and opened the door of the box.   
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed about seventy girls, all at once. Yep, you guessed it-   
  
The whole corridor was choked with people trying to get a look at him.   
  
Lee froze. He could see Angelina's sister and her crew near the front.   
  
"Oh my God! It's the freak!" yelped Lisa. There was a pause. "HE'S SOOO FIT!"   
  
At least three cameras went off.   
  
Lee groped for the doorknob, but it seemed to have disappeared.   
  
"It's Lee Jordan!"   
  
"Lee Jordan?"   
  
"The Weasley Triplet?"  
  
"It's Lee Jordan!"   
  
"Isn't he a first year?"   
  
"He is!"   
  
"Lee Jordan is the Mystery Commentator? Good on ya, Lee!"   
  
Lee then did what anyone would've done in his situation. He panicked. He darted back inside the commentator's box and slammed the door, pressing his back up against it.   
  
In the crowd, Angelina and Katie looked at each other in alarm as Fred, George and (still in her Quidditch robes) Alicia turned up.   
  
"Come on!" ordered Angelina, snatching Fred's hand and dragging him toward the door. "Coming through!" she yelled.   
  
"We're his friends!" snapped Katie, punching a fifth-year boy in the chest.   
  
"Let us through!"   
  
"Yeah! We're his friends!"   
  
Lee felt someone banging on the door. "Lee!" he heard Alicia call. "It's us! Let us in!"  
  
He opened the door a fraction and the twins, Katie, Alicia and Angelina ran in, slamming the door again.   
  
"Wow... I've never been up here," commented Katie looking out of the window.   
  
"That is the last thing we should be thinking about," said Angelina commandingly. Everyone turned around to her and Fred and smirked.   
  
"What?" asked Fred. He and Angelina looked down, realising they were still holding hands. They both let go abruptly.   
  
"Oh, Lee, you sod," said Alicia, rolling her eyes. "You didn't even have your hood up!"   
  
"I... I wasn't thinking," muttered Lee.   
  
"Obviously," said Katie dryly.   
  
"... everyone, please go back to your houses in an orderly manner. JORDAN!" yelled McGonagall through the door. "You have five seconds to open this door and explain yourself!"  
  
A series of firecrackers exploded in the corridor, and there were a few shriekds. They could hear the grudging footsteps of kids heading back to their houses.   
  
George looked at Lee, who had gone rather pale. Lee nodded and George slowly opened the door.   
  
McGonagall and Snape swept into the room, bearing down on Lee.   
  
"Lee Jordan," said McGonagall in a dangerous voice. "You have not only been caught commentating a Quidditch game without permission, but we have found six unconscious Slytherins down in the dungeons and have decided that they must have something to do with all of... this. Explain yourself."   
  
She cast a steely eye over the assembled Gryffindors. "Were you alone, or did you have accomplices?"   
  
There was a silence. Then-   
  
"I helped him, Professor," said Fred, stepping forward. "I helped Stun those Slytherins. I kept watch. I helped him learn Sonorus."   
  
"So did I, Professor," confessed George, taking his place beside Fred. "I taught him the Agarium spell to disguise his voice. I tricked the Prefects into leaving their posts."   
  
"I'm to blame too, Professor- Professors," said Alicia quietly. "I knew it was him, but I didn't tell anyone. I wanted him to commentate."   
  
"We helped too!" said Katie, looking at Angelina, who nodded vociferously.   
  
"How?" asked McGonagall suspiciously.   
  
"Ummm... we egged him on, Professor McGonagall," supplied Angelina lamely.   
  
Lee stepped forward, the last. "Everyone knows it was my fault," he said. "I was the leader." He looked quite proud of himself for a second. The twins grinned at each other and Alicia nodded slightly, a smile curling the corners of her mouth.   
  
"How brave of you," said Snape sarcastically. "Such intelligence. I'm sure the headmaster will find your little prank almost as funny as I do." He beckoned Lee.   
  
"Come on, Jordan," he snarled. "We will deal with your friends later, but rest assured that all six of you will be severely punished."   
  
Lee followed along, hanging his head. Suddenly, as soon as he entered the corridor, Angelina, Fred, George, Katie and Alicia burst into riotous applause.   
  
McGonagall was beside herself. "BELL! JOHNSON! SPINNET! You, Weasleys! This is not a laughing matter! Come with me, please."   
  
As they were shepherded in the direction of the opposite stairs, Lee turned around. Although he was sure he would be suspended, although he was positive he'd broken the record for the biggest foul-up in Hogwarts history, he couldn't help it. He called to them, "We've won the War of the Commentators!"   
  
"Yeahhh!" yelled the twins, beginning to clap again but silenced by a barked, "SILENCE!" from Professor McGonagall.   
  
"JORDAN!" yelled Snape and McGonagall together.   
  
As Lee watched his friends disappear down the stairs at the other end of the corridor, he was suddenly aware, all in a scary second, of just how much trouble he was in.   
  
  
  
  
* * * * *   
  
  
  
  
I am SO sorry about how long it took to get this chapter up! I really like this story (writing it, anyway) but it's murdering me trying to finish it. But I will! There's another chapter coming- I'll try to have it up faster, but I'm not promising anything.   
  
To my reviwers:   
  
Female Fred- sorry about the unimaginative way in which I disposed of Marionne in this chapter. I couldn't think of anything else, and I TRIED to make it funny, honestly I did! Oh, and thank you for your encouraging review.   
  
Bastet- thank you! I was worrying about the twins in this story, but that review calmed me down. Thanks! I really appreciated your review.   
  
Futon- ha ha. No, seriously, I'm glad you like it so much. Um, you DO like it, right? Damn. I have a feeling I shouldn't'a said that. Anyhow, I wish I was paid to be such a lazy slacker.   
  
Normandie M- Thanks for telling me her name. Some people said it was Taylor, so I was confused. I hope you enjoyed the new chapter.   
  
To the other new reviewers- Ember, eponine, Skye, CrystalWolf and Chibi-Crysti- you guys RULE! All of you do, I mean. Twenty-fove reviews... I was NOT expecting that many. But I don't mind *GRINS MISCHIEVOUSLY*. Sorry if I didn't remember to mention a reviewer.   
  
Did you like the little F/A moment I put in here? I hope the eleven and twelve-year-old characters don't seem too old.   
  
See ya in a bit, then! 


	5. Dumbledore's Decision

Lee stared at his feet, feeling the unwavering stare of the Hogwarts headmaster. Snape had left a second ago, and now Lee was alone. He wished like mad that the twins or even Alicia were there. For once, he was concerned that he'd gone too far.   
  
"You do realise that you're in a lot of trouble, Mr Jordan?" asked Dumbledore.   
  
"Yes, sir."   
  
"I'm afraid that this warrants a rather serious punishment for you and your co-conspirators."   
  
He regarded Lee gravely. "Taking into account your record of no less that sixteen resepective detentions in the past two months, I can truthfully say that this is unsurprising to me. The question is, what are we to do with you?"   
  
For once, Lee kept silent.   
  
"Now, I'd like you to tell me everything from the beginning, if you don't mind."   
  
His voice was not the sarcastic hiss of a vindictive Snape or the businesslike tone of a McGonagall. It was a request.   
  
Lee began the story from the beginning in a low voice. "... but, sir?" he said as he finished his tale.   
  
"Mr Jordan?"  
  
"I'd like to say something. I'm not sorry. I mean, I'm sorry for knocking out all those Slytherins, but I'm not sorry for the commentary. 'Cause commentating a real Quidditch game, and having everybody like what I was saying, and laugh... that was great, sir." Lee was well aware that he was digging his own grave but he couldn't help himself. "It's the most fun thing I could do. And I'm good at it as well."   
  
He braced himself for ten detentions, followed by inevitable expulsion.  
  
For the first time in the conversation, an indulgent sort of smile graced Dumbledore's face. "I admire your honesty, Mr Jordan. But the fact is that there are some in this school who would never have you commentate again."   
  
Lee remembered the shining rush of joy he got those last few games when he commentated. Having everybody think he was funny. He'd never get that again, at least not at Hogwarts.   
  
"However... Miss Bulstrode is leaving at the end of the year, Lee. And there would appear to be a definite shortage of talented commentators in this school..."   
  
Puzzled, Lee did not interrupt. What was Dumbledore saying?  
  
"I think it would be a waste of an excellent Quidditch commentator if we did not use you for commentator next year."   
  
There was no other word for it. Lee was stunned.   
  
Dumbledore nodded. "Consider yourself an understudy, a trainee, if you will. If Marionne cannot attend a game, you will commentate in her place. To keep the peace, I will assign a teacher to supervise your commentary. Next year, you will become the full-time commentator for the school Quidditch games. I think you have proven your competance."  
  
Lee nodded, dumbfounded.   
  
"But," said Dumbledore sternly, "the fact remains that you commentated without permission, unsupervised, while endangering the safety of several members of Slytherin House. You will serve a detention and make a formal apology to Slytherin. Owls have been sent to your parents and to the parents of the Weasleys, Miss Spinnet, Miss Bell and Miss Johnson."   
  
Oh no, thought Lee. Visions of Howlers danced in his head. Plus a sudden mental image of his mum practically frothing at the mouth with rage. And a trip into the Forbidden Forest...   
  
But I'm a commentator, he realised suddenly. Well, a commentator-in-training.   
  
I'M GOING TO BE AN ACTUAL COMMENTATOR!  
  
He grinned suddenly, rapt in the news.   
  
Dumbledore stood up from his desk. "I suggest, Lee, that you make your way back to Gryffindor. There's no need for me to speak with your friends, they have been dealt with accordingly."   
  
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir," babbled Lee, standing up.   
  
"I must say, I've never seen anyone so happy to receive a detention," said Dumbledore, eyes twinkling.   
  
"Um, I- I have to go. Homework and... yeah," Lee said. "Thanks, Headmaster."   
  
Upon leaving the office, Lee took the stairs three at a time. He found himself in a deserted corridor. Lee Jordan grinned and looked around, making sure he really was completely alone.   
  
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" roared Lee, leaping a foot into the air. "Woo! Hellyeah! Yes! Man, this is the best day of my life!"   
  
And the living tornado that was Lee Jordan swarmed off to Gryffindor to spread the good news.   
  
* * *   
  
YEARS LATER  
  
Seventeen-year-old Lee Jordan stood up from the commentator's chair for the last time. He watched the last few stragglers leave the pitch.   
  
McGonagall had been suspicious about leaving Lee in the commentator's box after the last game of the year. Perhaps she'd thought he would graffiti 'LONG LIVE LEE JORDAN' in foot-high letters... or worse. Everyone knew what the school commentator was capable of.   
  
Lee strolled around the little room, looking at the pictures. In his years, he had been in charge of tacking up some more group shots. He stopped by one. His favourite.   
  
A group of teenagers posed at the foot of a goalpost. There were Angelina and Katie with their arms around each other's shoulders, the twins posing with their Beater's bats, Alicia leaning coolly against her broomstick- and himself. The six Gryffindors grinned and waved silently.   
  
The Picture Angelina waved motioned to the others, removing her arm from around Katie's shoulders. The others nodded and cheered. Picture Fred, George, Alicia, Katie and Angelina grabbed their broomsticks and mounted them, zooming out of the picture. Picture Lee was the only one left.   
  
Picture Lee, aged about fourteen in the photo, scuffed a foot. For once, he didn't seem affronted at being alone. He waved and strolled out of the frame.   
  
Lee knew the original subjects of the picture would be back. He wouldn't. He was graduating in a week or two.   
  
He remembered all his best commentaries over the years.   
  
"... and the Quaffle is taken immediately by Angelina Johnson of Gryffindor- what an excellent Chaser that girl is, and rather attractive too-"   
  
"So- after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating-"   
  
"I mean, after that open and revolting foul-"  
  
"YOU CHEATING SCUM! YOU FILTHY, CHEATING BASTARD!"  
  
You can't beat that, he thought cheerfully.   
  
As Lee exited the stadium, he nearly waled into someone loitering in the main door to the stands.   
  
"Ow!"   
  
"Watch it, Triplet!"   
  
"Watch it... Triplet?"   
  
He squinted. No one had called him the Weasley Triplet since the second year.   
  
"Alicia?"   
  
"Well, at least your memory hasn't gone," she grinned, tossing her hair.   
  
"What the hell are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the Prophet?"   
  
"I got off the afternoon shift easily enough. Anyhow, I wanted to see the Mystery Commentator's last stand."   
  
Lee raised his eyebrows. "You were here? They don't let visitors come and see the games."   
  
Alicia smiled mischievously. "Well, donning an outsize Hogwarts robe and keeping my hood up got me in easily enough."   
  
"Great! So you heard me?"   
  
"Every word, Lee. Listen, I've got to get back to the Prophet before we go to press, but owl me after you leave, right?"   
  
"Yeah. Alicia?"   
  
"Mmm?" asked Alicia, checking her watch. "Damn, it's Saturn's equinox- five past three. Really, Lee, I must go-"   
  
"I'm glad you came. I'll owl you."   
  
She nodded. And in her old, oddly comforting matriachly way, she clapped him on the back. "That's my Lee. Well, I'll see you-"   
  
"Why don't you come to the house party? Go on, 'Licia. It'll be fun."   
  
She opened her mouth and then closed it. "Well... if you make a table walk again, I might," she said quietly.   
  
"You remembered that?"   
  
"Uh-huh."   
  
"Just as long as you come too. I insist."   
  
"You can't insist. I'm older than you."   
  
"But not stronger, 'Licia." Lee said ominously.   
  
"Don't call me 'Licia and I'll come," she said. "God, you're impossible."   
  
"No, you're impossible!"   
  
Lee Jordan and Alicia Spinnet made their way up to the castle for the house party. It was on that day, years after the War of the Commentators and barely a week before he left the school, that it was made perfectly clear. The Mystery Commentator of old hadn't ever left. He'd simply played on.   
  
  
  
  
* * * * *   
  
  
  
  
Oh my God, I've never written such a terrible ending. I think I'm going to die, or scream, or jump off a cliff to escape the inevitable flames from you, the indignant readers. I slaughtered my story! It was going so un-badly and I slaughtered it! Please don't kill me!  
  
I'd like to thank each and every person who's reviewed this fic. You lot all rock. You've been copiously encouraging, and yet I let you all down by churning out this heinous excuse for a last chapter. But as I write this I'm home with a virus, so I'm probably delirious. Yeah. I've been having too many blackberry Soothers.   
  
I would appreciate reviews. Please, if you're going to flame me, would you kind saying exactly what was wrong with my fic so I can fix it. And if you've written a Lee fic, mention it so I can read it. We need more Lee on ffn.net!   
  
If you managed to overcome my miserable ending and liked this fic, you might enjoy the prequel, 'First Day', which doesn't have Alicia in it but is told from the POVs of the twins, Lee and Angelina.   
  
Thank you to all my good reviewers. You've all been truly great. Laters! 


End file.
